Men don't have monopoly on violence
(Open Letter to the Family Violence Project)
By Bob Waters and Michael Jebbett
The Victoria Men's Centre applauds the courageous efforts of Jude Marleau and Alayne Hamilton of the Family Violence Project as they undertake the vital task of identifying and exploring women's use of violence in intimate relationships.
Erin Pizzey, a world-renowned author and leader in the field of family violence for 25 years, has been subjected to threats and scorn for speaking out about women's violence since the early 1970's. From her work with violent women, Ms. Pizzey studied and wrote about the link between a violent childhood and the re-creation of violent relationships in adulthood. She argues that since both girls and boys come from violent families it "makes perfect sense that they share equal tendencies towards violence in adulthood". Pizzey coined the term "violence-prone" to describe the intergenerational and "addictive" nature of violence.
According to Pizzey, some violence by women can go largely unrecognized because it is "subterranean" or "by proxy", whereas men tend to be exclusively physical, making it easier to gather statistics about the full scope of men's use of violence. Violence-prone women are more likely to be viewed as victims of mental health disorders, while men are viewed simply as criminals.
Men who have had to defend themselves or their children from violent women have often been arrested. The Honourable Mr. Justice Saunderson felt compelled to comment on just such a case (The Province, Jan 22nd) by stating that too many prosecutors declined to "make the hard decisions lest they offend some special interest group". Cases such as these distort police data regarding family violence, making it unreliable.
Renna Sommer and Eugene Lupri have each completed separate multi-year studies into domestic violence in Canada. Their studies show little or no difference between the genders when it comes to instigating all forms of physical violence against a partner. Their findings are similar to those from a list of over 70 both-gender studies that we would be glad to make available to the Family Violence Project.
These studies shatter some myths regarding the motives of perpetrators of domestic violence. According to data compiled by four respected researchers, men use violence for self-defense 17.7 percent of the time and women 18.6, while "control over the victim" accounted for 8.3 percent of men's violence and 22.0 percent of women's. Anger and retaliation for "emotional hurt" was the largest motivation for violence from women, and for men anger and jealousy were paramount.
Perhaps our greatest concern about family violence should be statistics concerning women's violence against children. In 1994, the Toronto Institute for the Prevention of Child Abuse reported that mothers comprised an overwhelming majority of the substantiated cases of child maltreatment, child neglect and emotional maltreatment. The U.S. Department of Justice reported the same year that mothers were the murderers of children 61% of the time.
The medical and legal communities are beginning to recognize a previously unrecognized form of child abuse called Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). Deirdre Conway Rand, Ph.D., draws upon recent research in her article "The Spectrum of Parental Alienation Syndrome", published in the American Journal of Forensic Psychology. She reports that false allegations of abuse are "a hallmark of PAS". Allegations of abuse in divorce / custody disputes were found to be invalid about 50 percent of the time with mothers making over two-thirds of the allegations.
A recent Canadian Senate report identified a disturbing increase in the number of women using false allegations of abuse in child custody cases. These children are usually denied access to the target parent and are subjected to brainwashing and/or intimidation. In many cases the custodial parent relocates and, in effect, abducts the child. The result is the systematic destruction of the love-bond relationship between a child and the targeted parent. In severe cases the child develops long-standing self-hatred and guilt. Most young offenders in our society come from fatherless homes.
Erin Pizzey and Senator Anne C. Cools talked recently in Victoria about this form of women's violence and its impact. Women who make false allegations are usually violence-prone with psychopathic tendencies. False allegations are an example of violence by proxy whereby a form of violence perhaps more destructive than a physical attack can be perpetrated with impunity. The violence leaves their children with lifelong psychological scars and perpetuates the cycle of family violence.
The Victoria Men's Centre and our affiliates encounter families on a daily basis that are being subjected to these forms of violence. We believe we can further the goals of the Family Violence Project in two areas; by providing research that recognizes the many forms that family violence can take; and by referring high-conflict families to the Family Violence Project for counseling and information gathering. We encourage the Family Violence Project to challenge society's current beliefs about women's use of violence. Recognizing the full extent of women's use of violence within the family is a critical step towards breaking the cycle of violence for our children. We welcome calls from those needing help or referrals, or from those who wish to donate to our non-profit society at 370-4636 (250-370-4men).
Bob Waters and Michael Jebbett are Directors of the Victoria Men's Centre.
- Published March 30, 1999
Victoria Times Colonist newspaper
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Even in violence, women differ from men
By Jude Marleau and Alayne Hamilton
WOMEN’S USE OF violence toward their intimate partners has been receiving a great deal of media attention, particularly from those who advocate for the rights of men. These groups are seeking visibility and acknowledgement regarding the occurrence of women’s violence in relationships.
As professionals working in the field of family violence, we do indeed hear from a small percentage of women who identify themselves as the "violent one" or ‘just as violent" as their partners.
We have been conducting a pilot project that offers assessment and counselling services for women who are experiencing a problem with physical violence toward an adult intimate partner, male or female. The counselling program is geared for women who are the sole perpetrators of violence in their relationships or for those who exhibit chronic patterns of abuse.
These women’s use of violence is frequent and/or severe in nature. The service is not designed for women using violence in self-defence or periodic episodes of retaliation. Over the last 18 ‘months we have had 54 referrals from community social-service agencies and the justice system. Of those women referred, only 12 have met our program criteria and they have received free or low-cost individual counselling with our professional counsellor.
A British Columbia Task Force on Family Violence (1992) estimates that 95 per cent of victims of spousal assault are women. Little is known about the remaining five per cent of relationship violence, which may also include gay male relationship violence. This lack of knowledge has resulted in both speculation and acrimonious debate.
In our work with the victims and offenders of family violence, we have found that an examination of the context in which the violence occurs is paramount to an understanding of women’s violence.
Women may use violence in self-defence in order to protect themselves against the physical attacks of a violent partner. A Canadian study revealed this is the most frequent motive for women’s use of violence.
Some women may use violence in retaliation against a partner who has at one time or another abused them. These women often want to "pay back" an abusive partner by using violence at times when the partner is not being physically abusive toward them. One woman who asked for help said, "One time when I hit him, he did not hit back. I didn’t care because I wanted him to know what it had been like for me for the past three years."
Women may also use violence in conjunction with their partners. To understand women’s use of violence within this context, it is important to examine both the dynamics of the relationship and the social and economic power imbalances that play a key role in the personal lives of women.
Many of the women using violence who also have a violent partner say they do so to express their feelings of frustration at being controlled or invalidated by their partner, or as a mechanism by which to be heard.
Reports from men who use violence in this context indicate they are more likely to use violence as a means of control and they are less likely to fear injury by their combative partner.
Most of the 12 women accepted for counselling with our project claim. "I am the violent one, he has never hit me." When asked about their partner’s use of psychological abuse, the reports of these women vary.
Women's use of violence differs from that of men both in its extent and its severity. Both men and women are far more likely to be attacked by male assailants. Women are far more likely to be assaulted within the context of an intimate relationship. Due to differences in size and strength between men and women, the damage caused by male violence is usually far greater than the damage caused, by women.
Most women who identify themselves as violent are quick to take responsibility for their actions, often blaming themselves for all of the violence that occurs within the relationship. Research shows this is in contrast to many abusive men, who tend to deny their use of violence and minimise the effects of the damage they have caused.
We also have found that the reasons why men and women use violence also differ. Typically, men use violence to exercise power and control within their intimate relationships. Although trying to instil fear may be a common motivation for men’s use of violence, it is not common for women who use violence toward their partners.
Women’s use of violence within intimate relationships is a complex issue that we are only beginning to identify and explore. For more information about the program for women using violence contact Jude Marleau, our professional counsellor, at 598-9715, or Alayne Hamilton at the Family Violence Project, 38O-1955.
Jude Marleau and Alayne Hamilton are counsellors working in Victoria
- Published March 23, 1999
Victoria Times Colonist newspaper